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I haven’t published a blog post in ages and I feel like I owe you all an explanation, to be honest, I’m just feeling very rough and when it hits the New Year mark its sad to feel that I haven’t made any progress in the last 2 years and that is frightening to me.

But after the initial feeling of hopelessness, I must say that I did feel an increase in determination. The last 2 + years have gone but I truly feel that I am ready to turn over a new chapter in my life and I don’t think I’ve ever truly felt that on a New Years when the clock strikes 12 before.

The first thing I had to do is not dwell in the past and admit that I am struggling to make healthy changes in my life, I never thought that I would be that person who truly understood the path I had to take to improve myself and trip up after the first couple of steps. I know it’s not going to be easy but I honestly thought I had enough determination to change the bad habits in my life and it was really hard for me to find out that I am weaker on staying consistent then I thought I would be.

It honestly shocked me that I couldn’t keep to the life changes I know I have to make to have a happier existence, I have been Pescatarian ( only eat fish, not meat) for around 2 years and I have never knowingly eaten meat since making that decision ( for the first couple of months I had problems with stuff like marshmallows and being unaware some things like gelatine in them ) and I am very proud of that as I was a HUGE meat eater for 20 years but I made a commitment and I have stuck to it.

I have also made small commitments like not drinking fizzy drinks for a couple of months and stuff like that and kept to it so I was very disheartened when I couldn’t seem to stick to the changes I know I have to make.

I also have a lot of incentive to change as for the last couple of years I have just been going with the flow taking it day by day with my health issues but I know I can’t keep carrying on that way as its really unhealthy for my mind and body plus I found that I may be deteriorating if I keep the lifestyle I’m living now.

But the simple and also very embarrassing truth is that I am STRUGGLING! The goals that I have set myself aren’t becoming a daily occurrence it is becoming a one day in a week sort of thing and that is not going to help me with my health issues if I’m not consistent.

This is going to come out really weird but I am DONE with being ill, I understand what you may be thinking, of course your done nobody wants to be ill and you are very right but I have come to the point in my life when I can’t go on the way I have been for the last 9 years of health issues, I can’t keep going with the flow and trying my best, I have to have a whole life makeover! Don’t get me wrong I want particularly unhealthy before I don’t smoke or drink or do drugs but I definitely didn’t move, drink water or eat my 5 a day enough and to really make a positive change that’s what I have to do.

This blog post is to show people that you may be really ready for change but there are still a lot of steps to take and I feel like nobody likes to admit that they are struggling least of all me! I hate admitting that, I truly do but I must be honest with myself and the people around me. And if I pretend that I’ve got it all sorted all I am doing is adding to our societies unhealthy expectations of life and perfection!

I would LOVE to say I decided to make a change and now I’m a perfect person but that would be a lie and I feel with social media our heads are already filled with lies and unhealthy expectation, If you are that person who can change straight away when you put your mind to it good on you and you have my deep admiration but the truth is that is rare and most people mess up before they get better, but as long as you are committed to bettering yourself I do think you will get there in the end on whatever you want in life.

I’m sorry this is a very rumbly post but I really needed to get this off my chest, hopefully, I can start making regular blog posts again from now on. Thanks for reading Xxx

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